More inappropriate conversation

Surprise surprise...I had trouble sleeping. Got up to watch a movie, and my cable's out (again). If not for Sirius, and the return of my favorite morning radio host, I'd be going nuts right now. I spent 40 minutes on the phone with the cable company and they were (predictably) useless, so I've got to wait until a shift change before calling back. May as well use the time constructively by posting another story...

This was a somewhat rare Saturday night date. It started out in as convoluted and complicated a way as possible. You see, I had gone out drinking with a friend the night before. It deteriorated into quite the evening of debauchery, which ended with said friend crashing on my couch. Unfortunately, when I went to bed, I left my cell in the living room and forgot to turn off the alarm (which was set for ~3 hours after I left him on the couch). I woke up, friend was gone and my phone had disappeared. I started retracing my steps and had no clue where it could have been. Sent friend a frantic email before going back to the bars we had visited to see if I had left it somewhere. I emailed date girl, explaining the situation and ensuring her that this wasn't a lame attempt at bailing, and we were able to figure things out despite my phonelessness.

We met up at the planned time and she was quite attractive...easily one of my better looking dates during this unfortunate time frame. We went into the bar, had some cocktails, some good conversation and a few innocent "brushes." After a few hours and numerous drinks, she said she was hungry. Now, I don't normally eat on a first date (one of my many hangups), but it was going well enough and I was drunk enough that I figured it was safe. She picked a place a few blocks from the bar, we grabbed the check and headed out. Got outside and I realized the temperature had dropped a good 15 degrees since we started, and I had no jacket. My apartment was between the bar and restaurant and I asked if I could run in to grab a coat, assuring her that this wasn't some lame attempt to get her back to my place. She was cool with it, so we went.

She was surveying the scene while I was grabbing coat, and had wandered into the bedroom, at which point I heard "ooooooh...you have a headboard." Somewhat drunk, and somewhat "sheltered," I had no idea what this meant, so I asked for clarification. All she said was "that could be fun for later." Dumbass that I am, I still had no clue what she was talking about and tried to resume the conversation while we were snacking at the restaurant. She explained that it could be fun to tie each other up...this was a first date, I hadn't even tried to kiss her yet and she was already talking about light bondage. That should have been a sign.

While dining, we started to discuss movies and I (for reasons unbeknownst to me) mentioned Spaceballs, which was apparently a favorite of hers. After food, she wanted to go back to my place and watch it, so we did. About 5 minutes in, she began reciting all the dialog from the movie...word for word...even doing voices. I hadn't seen the movie in some time and, after about half an hour, kissed her just to get her to stop. Additional fun was had that evening, but nothing too heavy (I'm not a slut).

Date 2 went off without much of a hitch, and date 3 had been planned. That's when things took a turn. We had a few drinks and ended up back at my apartment to "hang out." Somehow, the conversation turned back to sex, and she told me how she thought it would be "so hot" to sit in a room and watch 2 guys go at it. I was able to hold back the urge to vomit, thankfully, but a classic Sam Kinison line immediately popped into my head...

During one of his early bits, he said it had been documented that every man has a homosexual fantasy. He went on to say that he had been going through his fantasies one by one, because if there's a gay one in there, he wanted it out. I did the bit for her, explaining that I'm all for gay rights, as long as I don't have to participate, throwing in another classic Kinison line ("I just don't understand how one man can stare at another man's hairy ass and find love"). She told me I was closed-minded...I told her that my mind was open, but my bum needed to remain closed at all times. She openly questioned my discomfort, explaining that she had made out with girls a few times and telling me how much fun that was. I told her that was hot, and tried to explain how it was the inclusion of another guy that sort of ruined things for me. She stood her ground about the virtues of guy on guy action, and I stood mine. We "argued" about this for a bit longer, before she finally left.

Needless to say, I never called her again. About a week later, she emailed me, wondering why she hadn't heard from me. I told her the whole gay thing made me a little uncomfortable, and she responded with a brief email, asking me what was wrong with "this," with a few gay porn pictures attached. I deleted the email, blocked her from everything and that was that.