Getting a fresh start

I kind of forgot that I had signed up for this address a long, long time ago. For a few months, I used it as an online therapy session, conveying random thoughts about how horrible my now ex-wife used to be. Once she had taken my dogs and moved to a galaxy far, far away and I started moving on with my life, I didn't need the therapy anymore.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I realized that a good URL is a terrible thing to waste. As big a bitch as it may be to type, youknowwhattheysayaboutsmallnosedjews.blogspot.com is fun, and like a phoenix, it must rise from the ashes. I've been single, and dating, for about a year now. It started with some classically, pathetically bad blind dates and migrated to the scary world of online dating.

While looking back at how miserable and pathetic my romantic life has been over the last year, I realized something...as bad as it's been, I've had a LOT of funny shit happen to me. From the blind dates, to the online conversations, emails and IMs, to the actual dates...it's been so bad I can't help but laugh sometimes...if I didn't laugh, I'd either cry or just lose it and start killing people, so laughter is probably the best course of action.

Anyway, the name of the blog has something of a "special" meaning...special in that it was one of my first horrible dating stories which I'll now begin sharing with anyone who happens to stumble upon my little slice of Internet hell. You see, it was a blind date...the first date after freeing myself from the evil Scandinavian who had made my life such a nightmare for most of the prior 7.5 years. It wasn't going horribly, but it also wasn't good by any means. She was sort of cute, but kind of Jappy and, to be honest, seemed like a bit of a bitch. If nothing else, I figured it would be a good learning experience for me, so I toughted it out. The drinks were coming, my buzz was increasing my enjoyment of the date. Then, as if out of nowhere, she said something that just blew my mind. She said, "You have a cute little nose. Is it true what they say about Jews with small noses?" I had no idea what that meant, but sort of got an inkling when I realized she was staring at my, um, lap, when she asked the question. Just for shits and giggles, I thanked her for telling me I had a decidedly non-hebe nose and told her I wasn't sure what she meant about "it" being true. I reminded her that I had been otherwise occupied with a shiksa for most of my adult life and apologized for my cluelessness, at which point she told me that she heard Jewish guys with small noses had "huge peepees" (to use a term you'll be seeing a lot on these pages, I have neither the time nor the patience to make this shit up...she really did use the term "peepee"). I explained that I hadn't seen a lot of penises in my life, so that it wouldn't really be fair to try and judge. While telling her this, all I could think was that my ex had moved away less than a week earlier so I hadn't gotten laid in about 18 months, she was kind of cute, I was kind of drunk, but I could wait a little longer...check please!!