It's been way too long since I've updated, but I started a new job about 2 months ago and it's been consuming most of my dating time. There have only been two since then and neither one sucked enough to write about. There was, however, an epic failure just before the new gig started and I'm finally getting around to sharing...
We "met" through that site. She was from Boston (strike 1) and a Sawx fan (strike 2), but insisted she wasn't a Masshole. I, unfortunately, took her word for it. We met up at one of my regular spots. I got there and realized she looked nothing like her pictures. She wasn't heinous (kind of cute actually) but I felt misled. We went in, got a table, ordered our drinks, the inane chatter began and that's when things went downhill. She had a pretty awful speech impediment (sort of a cross between Down's Syndrome and deafness...quite disturbing). The conversation was going nowhere fast and I knew quickly this was going to be a waste, so I figured I may as well at least drink a lot and try to make the best of it. The consumption ratio was somewhere between 2-1 and 3-1, and yet it still wasn't enough to make her not annoying.
She was a social worker, yet made "jokes" about rape victims. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for inappropriate humor, but this was a bit much, even for me. Was she testing me? If I laughed, did that make me a sick fuck? If I didn't would she think I was ignoring her? I didn't care, but I sorta did...
Somehow, the conversation turned to past relationships and I tried a few stories from the blog (figuring she'd be the next topic anyway). At that point, she decided to let it slip that her parents signed her up for the site (she was 31...figured she could afford it herself, but whatever) because they didn't like the fact that she was only dating black guys. I thought that was rather closed minded of them, and wondered why she'd let them dictate the situation when she was 31 years old. She didn't give me an answer, rather started telling me how great black men were in bed (not sure why I'd care, but I knew there was at least one small-nosed jew who she'd never use as a basis for comparison).
It was at this point that (thankfully) a friend texted me to see what I was up to. Apparently he was in my hood and wanted to hang out for a bit. I explained (while pretending to listen to her) that I was in the middle of a bad date and I'd be ready as soon as I could ditch her. He responds and tells me I have 8 minutes, maybe 10 if there was a line for the bathroom. While I'm plotting my escape, she's still droning on about her jungle fever and proceeds to explain that men of color are generally well endowed. Only problem (related to this particular item...there were lots overall) was that she didn't say it quite so eloquently. She actually used the term "N***er C**k." Of course, between the accent and impediment, it sounded like she was saying "Nigoo caulk." I explained that I needed to go because a friend was having a problem and needed to talk, which she seemed to understand. Unfortunately, as that happened, my friend showed up behind us...he grabbed a seat, the three of us chatted for a bit before she left.
By the time I walked her out and got back to the bar, he had ordered us shots, saying it seemed like I could use some more drinks. He gave me his thoughts (incredible rack, nothing else even remotely redeeming) and we drank away. Ended up meeting two other girls, stayed out until almost 4 and woke up the next morning with minimal hangover...It's that whole lemonade out of lemons thing I suppose.
There's another one tomorrow. She seems kinda awesome...a Jappy hippie more or less. I've done the phone screening and she sounds normal enough (kind of a sexy voice). If there's anything the last year and a half has taught me though, it's that if you have any expectations, they won't be met. I'm going in expecting the worst, hoping for the best. As long as she's not blog-worthy, I'll be thrilled.
Shalom beeotches
Thursday, October 8, 2009
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